Retail Grinch

Yes I work in retail, pity me. This is the most wonderful horrible time of the year. Let's start off with the hours I work, EVERY WEEKEND. While most of you are enjoying a cup of coffee on Saturday morning and and time with friends and family, I'm dealing with the general public. Now, let's talk about the general public...they suck. Here's something that any person that works retail, especially during the hellidays wants to say to 99.9% of the customers that come in, "I just work here." If you still question that here's just a few things to keep in mind:
1. I don't set the prices.
2. I don't determine if something is going on sale.
3. I don't order the merchandise. If it sold out, it's not my fault.
4. I didn't decide to charge customers for gift boxes.
5. I didn't make anything that we sell, so don't blame the quality on me.
6. I don't make the promotional signage. If you don't know the difference between select and all, you should be shopping at Barnes and Noble for a dictionary.
7. I don't load the trucks of merchandise. If you were told your order will be in in two weeks and it's been 4 days, it's probably not here. Why don't you look for a calendar to go along with that dictionary.

Now some things you should know as a customer:
1. I can't just hand out discounts to everyone that asks for one. I would lose my job, and even though I'm not in love with my job, I need it to pay the bills.
2. I am required to ask for your phone number and e-mail every time you buy something. If you don't want to give either, just say "no thank you." I love the response, "can't I just pay for it."
3. Christmas, last time I checked, is the same day every year. If you procrastinate and we don't have the special something for Aunt Ethel, that's your fault not mine.
4. If you call the store and have a list of items you want checked on, please give the ENTIRE list to me all at once. I know I need the exercise, but there's a line of 15 people just like you, demanding, snarky, and just plain nasty giving my the stink eye.
5. If you want a personal shopper, go to a store that actually provides them. Again, there's 15 people in line ready to rip my head off when I ask for their phone number and email.
6. Don't come into the store at 2 minutes to closing and say, "I'll be quick," when we both know you will, in no way, be "quick."
7. If you break something, let someone know and simply say you are sorry. I don't need the play by play of how it jumped off the shelf. I also don't need to slip on the spilled liquid or have shards of glass embedded in my knee when I kneel on the floor.
8. Please watch your children. I don't have the time, energy, or patience to sweep up a billion pieces of glass after one of your sweet, sweet, children knocked over a display running from her sweet, sweet brother. I also don't need you blaming me for the head wound your child has after falling off the stack of furniture he climbed while you were busy on the phone.
9. And the phone. Get off your fucking phone when I'm ringing you up. It's rude. When you are shopping, you don't need to be screaming into your phone, I don't want to hear it. I could ramble on and on and on, but I will stop there for now. There's only 20 days left until Christmas, so I'm sure there will be many more things I will find to bitch about between now and then.